


To Hate Who You Need Most

by DemiBoyDoesStuff



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexual James Madison, Enemies to Lovers, James Madison is a Good Friend, John Laurens is a Good Friend, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Philip is a cat, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-11-15 01:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11220603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemiBoyDoesStuff/pseuds/DemiBoyDoesStuff
Summary: Neither Thomas Jefferson nor Alexander Hamilton wanted to meet their soulmates. Neither wanted to be dependent upon another person for the rest of their lives without any say on who it was. Unfortunately they will both have to deal with the consequences of Hamilton's shot temper.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> three disclaimers  
> 1) I do not own the characters in this story  
> 2) These characters are derived from the musical Hamilton and are not meant to represent the real founding fathers  
> 3) That being said I have not seen the play, only listened to the soundtrack, so I will likely use facts from their real life counterparts lives to flesh out their characters  
> 4) This is probably going to be the worst chapter, as it's just the set up for all the fun

Soulmates are a frightening concept. At least to about 34 percent of Americans. The rates were lower in every other nation, it had something to do with America’s individualistic culture, researchers said, although the fact that 42 percent of Americans didn’t believe that soulmates had anything to do with fate probably helped.  
Soulmates, scientists were now saying, are just as magical as ice expanding when cold, or bees flying, which is to say, not magic at all, just a natural phenomenon that science has yet to explain. It’s one of those tricky questions about the brain works that can’t be answered quite yet.  
What was known was that there was no way of knowing who your soulmate was before you had skin to skin contact, at which point it would be evident immediately. There was no good way of describing what happened internally immediately after touching your soulmate, people usually didn’t remember much. From the outside, the pair seemed to act as a single unit, like one person in two bodies. After a few days they were usually back to normal, or as normal as soulmates got. In the end soulmates were reliant on each other forever, they literally needed the other to survive.  
Jefferson hated that idea, in his whole life he had only known one person who he would have wanted to spend his whole life with, and she was gone. So he did what about a third of the nation did, he covered up. He always wore suits and gloves and high tight collars, no matter the weather, he might have worn a mask too if that was socially acceptable. He made sure that he was never going to have direct contact with his soulmate, and he looked good while doing it. (at least in his opinion)  
Hamilton on the other hand, just didn’t think about it that much. He didn’t want anything do with his soulmate, of course, he didn’t like the idea of being stuck with someone for the rest of his life, that was why Eliza and him had broken up just that Saturday (among other reasons), and why John’s crush on him would have to stay only a crush. But he knew that meeting your soulmate was statistically improbable, especially since the only time he went places it was either at work (where skin to skin contact was unlikely to happen, as touching someone at work was considered one of the rudest things you could do) or with friends (with whom skin to skin contact had happened too many times for him to worry). So Hamilton was a little careless when it came to covering up, besides, smartphones worked better if you didn’t wear gloves.

It was a regular Tuesday, as most Tuesdays are, Jefferson was warming up his lunch in the breakroom while he complained to James Madison about the project he was working on. Hamilton had sent him a ridiculously stupid plain for the financial project last night, and it was terrible. Long winded, even for Hamilton, and completely idiotic, it had taken the whole morning for Jefferson to read let alone edit. Naturally Jefferson had yet to reply, because unlike some people, he actually thought before he wrote. He was only mildly surprised when Hamilton stormed in as he sat down to eat.  
“What are you doing?” Hamilton demanded  
“Eating lunch, you should try it” he said, Hamilton, being Hamilton, charged on,  
“I sent you the draft for the new financial plan yesterday, have you even looked at it?”  
“Yesterday at quarter to midnight, some of us actually sleep you know, and I have read it, and there wasn’t a single good idea in there”  
“And what would you suggest? Do you even have a plain? Or do you just hate mine” Hamilton leaned on the table in front of Jefferson, taking advantage of the fact that he was sitting to loom over him for once.  
“Of course I have a plain” Jefferson said, standing up, “and I don’t need your help with it” he smiled arrogantly  
“In fact,” he said leaning a bit so he loomed directly above Hamilton “the only thing I would like to learn from you is what, exactly you gave Washington to get this job”  
Hamilton was silent, his face turning red. Jefferson was feeling pretty proud at the moment, having finally shut Hamilton up. Then Hamilton punched him. Right in the nose. Without gloves.

James Madison had just wanted to have lunch with his friend and get back to work. Really, was that too much to ask? The answer, at least when Hamilton was around, seemed to be yes. He jumped up when Hamilton punched Thomas. Thomas stumbled back a few steps, his hands coming up to hold his nose but not quite getting there, freezing cupped under his face, blood dripped down his chin, falling into his cupped palms, he would be pissed when he realized that Hamilton had ruined a pair of his gloves. Hamilton was completely still, his fist still in the air.  
Two things happened at the same time. Aaron Burr walked in, and Thomas and Hamilton lunged at each other. Madison reacted as quickly as he could, jumping between them to hopefully prevent a full blown fist fight, Aaron Burr seemed to have the same idea, because he grabbed Hamilton from behind. Hamilton struggled against Burr, and Thomas was struggling to get around Madison.  
“Thomas calm down, you don’t need to sink to his level” Madison was saying  
“It doesn’t matter how much Washington likes you, if you don’t cut this out you’ll lose your job for sure” Burr hissed to Hamilton.  
Hamilton and Thomas said nothing, they didn’t acknowledge their friends in any way, the only thing either of them seemed to have on their minds was the other. There was a sudden sharp exhale from Burr, Madison turned his head to look at them when he felt Thomas’s hand on his shoulder and he was shoved to the side, his hip banged painfully into the edge of the table.  
Madison winced at the sharp pain in his hip, but strangely did not hear a fight, he turned to see what was going on. Burr was standing in the doorway, holding his stomach and heaving for breath, looking just as surprised as Madison felt.  
Hamilton and Thomas were not fighting, they were hugging.  
“I’ll go get Washington” Burr said


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first couple paragraphs are kinda confusing because it's from Thomas/Alexander's POV and right now they are essentially a single entity, they refer to them self as He/Him/His

He was bleeding. Why was He bleeding? He had punched Himself? Why? He was so confused. He wanted to be whole, He almost was, each half was only a few feet from the other, but when He tried to come together He couldn’t, someone grabbed Him, someone was in His way. Why wouldn’t they let Him be whole? They were talking to Him, telling Him to calm down, to stop struggling. He didn’t understand, these people where His friends, at least He thinks they are, but they won’t let Him be whole, He would rather not hurt them, but if it’s the only way. He elbows one in the stomach, and pushes the other out of His way.

Then He is complete, and annoyingly, getting blood in His hair. People are talking to each other, maybe to Him, but He doesn’t particularly care about that, He doesn’t particularly care about much of anything at the moment, except that He isn’t getting as much contact as He would like. He blames the gloves, at least for the most part. He is about to take them off when someone grabs His arm.

 

James is alone with Thomas and Hamilton, and he is a little frightened. Thomas, his best friend since childhood just threw him into a table so he could hold Hamilton. He know’s it’s unfair to blame Thomas, he’s not in his right mind right now but James isn’t sure if he’s ever going to be his right mind again. He’s heard stories of people who meet their soulmate and are never the same again. He’s heard of people who never stop being a single person, or who do but then neglect all of their former connections in preference for each other, or who are never able to go more than a few yards away from each other without terrible pain.

But he doesn’t panic. He doesn’t panic because he is James Madison and he is always calm. He is an anchor for Thomas when Thomas is anxious. He is calm and collected and logical. 

He is still worried. He tells himself that it’s only because he doesn’t know what they will talk about now that Thomas won’t want to talk shit about Hamilton.  
But he doesn’t show it. He calls Thomas’s name a few times, garnering no response. He fidgets with the buttons on his suit. He looks at his lunch, sitting half eaten on the table, but he doesn’t feel hungry anymore. He thinks about what could be taking Burr so long getting Washington, then checks the time and realizes that it has only been two minutes. He calls for Thomas a few times, but he is still too wrapped up in Hamilton to notice. He checks the time again.

Then finally he hears footsteps in the hall. The door to the break room opens and James is more relieved to see his boss than he has ever been. Burr is also there, stumbling through an explanation Washington motions for silence and looks from the Jefferson/Hamilton conglomerate to James.

“Did Hamilton really punch Jefferson?” he asks, his voice flat. James nods, the noise Washington makes is something between a scoff and a chuckle, like he is both amused and annoyed at the same time.

“Figures that Hamilton would meet his soulmate like this,” he makes that strange scoff-chuckle sound again “well, let’s get them home then” he says walking over to the pair casualty. 

James is stumped for a moment. Surely his boss had misspoken, there was no way they could just leave Thomas and Hamilton alone, right? Surely they were going to take them to the hospital. He was about to ask for clarification but Washington had already taken Thomas’s arm in a gentle grip.

James was slightly surprised when Thomas/Hamilton actually responded to Washington’s touch. They both turned their heads to look at Washington, Thomas resting his cheek on Hamilton’s head and Hamilton peering over Thomas’s arm, both looking slightly annoyed. 

“Come on, let’s get you home” Washington said softly, pulling Thomas’s arm gently. Washington glanced at James and nodded for him to follow.  
The four of them made their way through the office building and into the garage. Thomas and Hamilton didn’t lose contact for the whole walk. It was a bit uncanny to watch, Thomas had his arm around Hamilton’s shoulders and Hamilton was clinging to Thomas’s jacket, his face pressed into Thomas’s side, letting Thomas lead, or Washington really, as he still had a grip on Thomas’s arm. Despite their differences in height, the pair took every step together, so synchronized that the click of their heels hitting the ground sounded like a single footfall. 

James was so focused on Thomas that he didn’t notice they were at Washington’s car until Washington opened one of the back doors and started to guide the pair into the seats. He struggled with the seat belt for a moment before giving up, as it would have been impossible to pull it over both of them and there was no way they would allow themselves to be buckled into separate seats. Washington closed the door on them and climbed into the driver's seat while James circled around to the passenger side.

“Does Thomas have a roommate?” Washington asked as he started the car, a Prius, by the way, not really what James would have expected from the CEO, but it wasn’t his place to judge. 

“No, he lives alone” he had once lived with Martha, but since her death the only thing living in Thomas’s apartment other than him where his house plaints.

“Good, we can take them there, I don’t think Alexander’s roommate would appreciate having these two around in this state” James risked a look into the back and quickly regretted it. One of the last things he had ever wanted to see was his best friend and worst enemy making out in the back seat of his employer's car, but here he was.

“Do you mind giving me directions?” Washington asked, James nodded and started directing his boss.

 

The ride to Thomas’s apartment was quiet. The only noise, other than James’s occasional direction and the sounds from the back seat that both James and Washington were both trying to ignore, was a ping from Washington’s phone halfway through the drive.

“Is that important?” James asked hoping to fill the almost silence. He heard Hamilton gasp in the back seat. 

“It’s just Martha” he said. 

Martha Washington was George Washington’s soulmate. They were an adorable couple, all soulmates were. But if she just happened to be texting Washington right now it was probably because she could feel his nervousness. 

James felt very uncomfortable with the fact that even Washington was nervous. 

They got to Thomas’s apartment building without any problems. James got out of the car while Washington texted his wife back. He did not look into the backseat.   
Washington climbed out of the car and opened the back seat. Thanks to his positioning on the other side of the car James didn’t see the state that they were in, although it was surely something that would have made James very uncomfortable. 

James was, in fact, pretty uncomfortable with their state when they did get out of the car. They both looked like messes, their hair messed up and the beginnings of bruises forming on their necks, Thomas was missing his gloves and Hamilton’s shirt was partially untucked and wrinkled. They were still clinging to each other and they once again looked slightly annoyed, apparently upset that their boss had interrupted them making out in the back of his car like teenagers. 

There was more awkward silence on the way up to the apartment. On the bright side, Thomas and Hamilton had not needed any further prompting after being pulled out of the car and had led the way up to Thomas’s apartment. James was surprised when Thomas offered a nod of acknowledgement after opening the door to his apartment.   
The door to the apartment shut with a click and James and Washington were left standing awkwardly in the hall. James coughed into his elbow and Washington shifted from foot to foot.

“Well,” Washington said “we should get back to the office” 

“Yes, We should, I have some things I need to finish up today” James replied,

They stood in the hall for another minute

“And they’ll be fine on their own of course” James said

“Oh yes, They’ll be fine but I’ll need to talk to their emergency contacts, it’s just protocol” 

“Right.” James said as they started to walk towards the elevators.

“They get a month off, don’t they?” James asked

“Yeah, I’ll have to get their current projects covered” Washington said as the elevator doors slid open, James nodded as they walked into the elevator.

They were silent as the doors closed. The only sound in the elevator was the soft elevator music and the shuffling of two people trying not to look at each other while trying not to look like they are trying not to look at each other. James rocks back on his heels and thinks about how awkward the office is going to be for the next month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you probably noticed that I have no schedule for when I post things, sorry about that, but I have depression and anxiety so things like schedules don't usually agree with me, also i was halfway through this chapter when I started thinking about a shapeshifter AU (think sulkies but with birds) and only wanted to write that. So in short keep in mind that while I don't plain on abandoning this, I also have mental illness and a fickle muse.


	3. The Laurens Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a brief check in with John. not a full chapter. I might do more like this in the future when I don't have time for a full one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm off at collage, so I'm pretty busy now but I will find the time to write this.

John’s phone was ringing. John had no interest in answering it, he had worked the graveyard shift last night and he needed his sleep. The ringing stopped and John was just about to fall back asleep when it started again. He groaned softly and rolled over, he still refused to open his eyes as he felt around on the bedside table for his phone and answered it.

“‘Ello?” he slurred 

“Is this John Laurens?” the man on the other end of the phone asked 

“Yeh, why?” he asked, he wanted this call to be over so he could go back to sleep.

“You are listed as Alexander Hamilton’s emergency contact-” John was awake now, flinging his covers off and looking for his shoes,

“Fuck, is he ok? Which hospital are you taking him to? I’m on my way right now.” Shit, John knew he should have made Alex stay home, he was so upset after the break up, who knew what kind of stupid thing he could have done. Not to mention John hadn’t been around the apartment enough lately to make sure that alex was taking his meds and taking care of himself.

“No, no he’s fine, he just found his soulmate.” the man said.

Well fuck. John didn’t know what to do with that information, he knew that Alex didn’t want a soulmate, they had talked about it enough times. He just stood in the middle of his room while the man on the phone explained.

“We took him to his soulmate’s apartment, so he’s fine, you don’t have to worry about hosting them…” the man trailed off sounding unsure. Shit. he didn’t really know what to do with this. He was an ER nurse, so really he would have been able to handle anything else, but his training with soulmates was fairly limited. He had taken a class on it back in med school, and they had pamphlets that they gave to people when they came to the hospital with newly bonded soulmates, but he hadn’t retained much from either of those things. 

“I’m gonna need the address, I have to bring him his stuff” John said, Alex was going to need his medication, and some cloths, and maybe Philip, Alex’s emotional support cat. should he text about that first? Alex would want to see him, but what if his soulmate was allergic or something? He should text first.

“Is it alright if I give your number to Mr. Madison? He’s Jefferson’s friend, he’ll send you the address.” John’s mind which had been going over what he would need to bring Alex, suddenly stopped. Alex’s soulmate was Thomas Jefferson? The man Alex usually only referred to as ‘That Tall Asshole”? There was no way.

“Mr. Laurens?” the man asked, John shook his head.

“Ya, that’s fine, just have him text me the address if that’s easier, thanks for calling me I have to get Alex’s things together” John said, he really just wanted to text Alex. And also Lafayette, he and Jefferson were friends back in college and he was pretty sure they were still in touch. 

“You’re welcome…” a pause “thank you for taking care of Alexander” oh the guy must have been Washington, Alex always talked about how his boss worried about him.

“No problem” he said. He hung up the phone.

The apartment was quiet. It was going to be quiet for a while now. Maybe forever? No, it was best not to think about it like that. He wasn’t losing Alex, of course not. He was just getting a new person in his life. Right. Things would change but they would be alright, they always were.

The apartment was still quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always appreciated


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been asked about my update schedule and let me tell you my update schedule is this.
> 
> I'm a prevet student
> 
> so really anytime I'm not drowning in ridiculous amounts of work

TurtleGuy<3<3: im bringing some of your stuff and your meds over

TurtleGuy<3<3: do you want pip

He had been cuddling on the couch when the text came in, it was from John, His roommate. No, that felt wrong, He hadn’t had a roommate since Martha died, but He definitely lived with John and both things couldn’t be true at the same time. Thinking about the contradictory facts caused an unpleasant dissonance in his head, so He pushed it to the back of His mind to mull over at some later date.

ReadyToFight: always

He loved Philip more than anything in the world, except probably Martha and Eliza. Eliza had suggested He get an ESA back before they had started dating, she had even helped pick him out. And there was another thing that caused that dissonance, the only person He had ever dated had been Martha, but He also knew that He had dated quite a few people. He shook His heads, trying to rid himself of the unpleasant buzz in them.

He should probably get up; His apartment was a mess and His plaints needed to be watered, and John would be coming over soon. Shit, He had lilies. He couldn’t have His cat near lilies, they were toxic to cats. He groaned softly and picked up his phone.

ReadyToFight: pip can’t come here i have lilies.

TurtleGuy<3<3: k guess you’ll just have to visit him here

There was another thing, why would He keep plaints that kill cats when He has a cat? Even if He keeps them in different apartments that’s just stupid. And why does He have two apartments in the first place? Whatever, it didn't matter right now, He needed to get up and clean up the apartment and water his plaints before John gets here or it would to bother Him all week.

He got a Text twenty minutes later from Laffeyet with no context, 

HowYouSay: Felicitation, I knew you two would be great together

He had literally no clue what the Frenchmen was talking about.

 

It was weird to see Alex refer to himself and Jefferson as “I”. It shouldn’t have been, John knew that soulmates considered themselves to be a single person while they’re in the first phase (he thinks it’s called the unity phase, but he wouldn’t want to be quoted on that). Still it’s strange. 

He shrugged it off though, Alex would be back to normal soon enough. Sure, he’d share his emotions with Jefferson and they’d need each other for the rest of their lives, but that will just be the new normal, they’d work things out.

He got a text form an unknown number that he assumed is that Madison guy Mr. Washington told him about. He made a new contact for the guy, since it would probably be a good idea to get to know Alex’s soulmate’s friends.

Madison: I get off work at 5:00. Send me your address and I’ll take you to Thomas’s 

TurtleGuy<3<3: Can’t you just send me the address so I can take his stuff over myself

Madison: I’m not giving my best friend’s address to a total stranger

It was not a good start for a friendship, and John was feeling even more apprehensive of Alex’s soulmate if this was the company he keeps. (As though Alex’s previous complaints weren’t enough)

TurtleGuy<3<3: But you expect me to give you (a total stranger) my address

Madison: Would you rather I pick you up somewhere?

TurtleGuy<3<3: The McDonalds on Mercer 

Madison: I’ll be there at 5:10

John knew that he was being a bit petty and that it was going to bite him in the ass when he had to drag a bag full of Alex’s stuff to the McDonalds a block away, but damn if Madison wasn’t going to give him Jefferson’s address then John wasn’t giving him Alex’s. Then John has a little over four hours before he can see Alex (and there was another thing, who asks to meet at 5:10? What a specific time) and he had very little to do. He was starting to feel tired again, but he didn’t feel like he really had the time to go back to bed, and he did have to pack for Alex.

He pulled an old duffle bag out of the closet. He couldn't remember the last time they used it. Honestly, he didn’t even remember why they have it, but he was glad. Alex’s room was a total mess, as always. The man never cleaned up after himself, at least not without someone else telling him to. John was almost done packing Alex’s cloths when he realized that he forgot to text Laf, and if he was going to text Laf he might as well text the group chat with himself, Laf, and Hercules that they made after Eliza broke up with Alex, mostly to talk over what had happened (read: how stupid Alex was). Speaking of Eliza, should he tell her? Would she even want to know? None of them had had the chance to really talk to her since the break up and he was pretty sure she wasn’t on speaking terms with Alex. 

He should be taking this one step at a time. He should start by texting the group chat.

TurtleGuy<3<3: thomas jefferson is alex’s soulmate

There were probably better ways to phrase that, but John was running on three and a half hours of sleep and leftover adrenaline from believing Alex was hurt, which might have worked great for Alex himself, but John preferred a good eight hours and maybe some tea, coffee if he was willing to deal with the fit Alex would throw about drinking his coffee. 

TheSoftOne: i dont get the joke?

HowYouSay: Moi non plus

TurtleGuy<3<3: seriously, alex’s boss just called me, he’s at jefferson’s right now

HowYouSay: Felicitation

HowYouSay: Well not you but Alex and Thomas

HowYouSay: I always knew they were meant for each other

TheSoftOne: dont they hate each other?

HowYouSay: They, how you say, complete each other

TheSoftOne: werent you banned from saying how you say

HowYouSay: It is my name, what else do you expect?

TurtleGuy<3<3: srsly guys idk what to do

TurtleGuy<3<3: should i tell eliza

TheSoftOne: idk i dont think she wants to have anything to do w alex rn

HowYouSay: I can tell Angelica

HowYouSay: She’s friends with Thomas too, so she’d want to know even if it didn’t have anything to do with Alex

TurtleGuy<3<3: cool cool i still got to get alexs stuff together so im gonna do that now

Getting the rest of Alex’s things together didn’t take as long as he thought it would, so John was left with an awkward three hours until he had to leave. He didn’t have anything that needed to be done. He made himself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, if it could be called breakfast at two in the afternoon. That killed almost no time so he sat on the couch and thought about texting Alex again, but decided against it. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on one’s feeling about the situation) Pip curled up on his lap and fell asleep while he was thinking about Alex so he had no choice but to sit there and play on his phone for an hour to avoid disturbing him. When Pip finally got up John turned on his PS3 and played some Fallout New Vegas, but it couldn’t hold his attention. When he finally gave up on that it was 4:30, which was too early to head out but too late to do anything productive, so he went back to looking at his phone. He checked his twitter, but quickly closed the app when he saw that it was nothing but people talking about Alex and Jefferson.

It was still basically 4:30 but John decided to go to the McDonalds anyway, maybe he could get a McFlurry or something.

 

It only took ten minutes for John to walk to McDonalds, which was still a pain because he had to carry that stupid duffle. He ordered a McFlurry and sat at one of the booths by a window. He opened twitter again out of habit but closed it immediately. He then spent the next half hour opening and closing apps between looking up every time someone walked into the restaurant. Not that it helped at all, he didn’t really know what James Madison looked like so anyone who walked in could have been him.

It was 5:08 (John knew that exactly because he was checking the time practically every minute) when a man with a passing resemblance to Hercules walked in and started scanning the restraunt. He stopped on the duffle bag laying haphazardly next to John’s table, his eyes trailed up to John so John gave him a little wave of acknowledgement, this was either James Madison or some rando who was about to lecture him on not leaving large obstacles in the middle of walkways. John sincerely hoped it was the former.

“John Laurence?” he asked as he approached the table

“Yep” John said, popping the P. he got up and swung the bag over his shoulder, eager to get going. Madison nods and motions for John to follow him. 

John has never been a big car person but he can tell that Madison’s car is nice. Not in an over dramatic or flashy way, just in a ‘that car is a good car’ kind of way. Better than John’s old sedan at least. The drive was tense and quiet, John got the feeling that Madison was feeling just as unsettled by this situation as John. At least that’s one thing they had in common.

Madison parked the car in front of a nice-looking apartment building and John immediately got out of the car, eager to escape the tense atmosphere and to see Alex.

“Wait,” Madison called, John glanced over and saw him fidgeting uncapturably “you should know before you go in, Thomas and Hamilton don’t seem to understand the concept of PDA right now, so they’re pretty…” he trailed off, looking even more uncomfortable than he did at the beginning of his statement.

“Yeah man, I know.” John said casually, remembering new soulmates making out in the ER waiting room while some nurse explained to a friend or coworker that they really didn’t need to be there. Madison nodded and lead him to the apartment.

When Alex and Jefferson opened the door together, John realized that he has no idea how to interact with them. Which one do you look in the eye? Should he refer to them as Alex or Jefferson? Should he talk to him like they’re roommates or strangers? 

“Hey John, Jemmy” they greeted together, succeeding in thoroughly creeping John out, but at least he now knew where he stands with them. He decided that he was going to try to maintain eye contact with Alex, who was tucked under Jefferson’s arm and leaning his weight on him.

“Hey man,” He avoided using a name all together, “brought your stuff” he offered the duffle bag.

“Thanks,” they said, still speaking together. John was starting to think that’s just how new soulmates talk. Jefferson took the duffle and swung it over his shoulder, “do y’all want to come in, have something to drink?” it was incredibly shocking to hear Alex say ‘y’all’. 

John wasn’t sure how to read Jefferson yet, but Alex had that tight, uncomfortable look he got when he was expected to talk to people when he would rather be holed up in his room working so he assumed that they were just offering to be nice. That was another shockingly un-Alex like thing to do, but apparently southern hospitality was even stronger than Alex’s aversion to socializing. It was quite unsettling.

“No thanks, I have to get ready for my shift at the ER tonight.” That was a lie. John didn’t have a shift until Thursday, but he would rather not have to spend time with this slightly off version of Alex and he was certain Alex doesn’t want to spend time with him right now.  
“I actually have some work from Washington I need to get done tonight, so I’ll have to take a rain check, thank you.” Madison says. John could see the relief on Alex’s face for a moment, proving him right. 

“well, that’s a shame, I guess we’ll talk some other time.” They said politely, John smiled and nodded and Madison made some affirmative sound. Alex and Jefferson nodded and closed the door. 

John felt a little more at ease the second the door closed. Talking to Alex like this had been an unpleasant trip down uncanny valley that he hoped he would not have to repeat. The relief came with a bit of guilt though, and he couldn’t help but feel that he shouldn’t want to avoid his friend. 

“They didn’t talk last time I was here.” Madison said, John nodded then shook his head,

“Ya, they never really do at first, but I think it’s normal for them to be talking now.” He glanced at Madison, who looked almost sad “Sorry; it’s just been forever since I learned any of this.” Madison made a soft little hum that could have meant anything.

“I’ll give you a ride back” he said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't mind me, making a story about soulmates that doesn't actually focus on the soulmates. don't worry later chapters will be much more focused on Alex and Thomas.
> 
> also i hope i'm getting the fact that this situation is painfully awkward for everyone in the story over to all of you. can you tell people make me anxious.
> 
> translation: Congratulation, me neither


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! collage is a bitch and I should be working on a literature review about student union buildings but I hate that, and I've had a mysterious illness for almost three weeks now, it might be my gallbladder, so fun. Also hey, you know a thing I need (other than a steady update schedule and a will to live) a beta. no idea how to get one though so... ya.

He had been trying to work from home for three days, trying being the operative word in that sentence. Washington had kicked Him out of the office and rebuffed His every attempt at writing up his financial plain. He didn’t even really know why, as Washington had assured him that it had nothing to do with his fist fight in the break room. (seriously what had He been thinking?) (Nothing, He hadn’t been thinking, he was upset about Eliza dumping Him and something little set him off.) Despite Washington’s reissuances, He was certain he was getting fired. After all what other reason did he have to force Him to have a payed leave. Laf thought He was being ridiculous, Washington loved Him, and wasn’t going to fire Him over one slip up, but He couldn’t be sure, and He always assumed the worst, even though He would rather not. 

Despite not agreeing with him on the matter of His future employment, He couldn’t help but be glad that He had Laf to talk to. John and James where acting weird lately, they seemed to be avoiding Him, and when He did manage to talk to them they would seem so awkward and uncomfortable. Laf tried to convince him that this wasn’t his fault either, but when most of the people around you stop wanting to be around you on the same day, you have to wonder if it’s your fault right? Well He did at least. Other than the much-needed emotional support, talking to Laf also had the benefit of distracting Him from His headaches. They would appear every time He tried to think about all the contradictory information in his head, a light buzz that would quickly grow mind-numbingly painful the more He thought. But Laf was nice and soothing, (at least when it came to the headaches) because even if the specifics could be strange and contradictory, at least He knew what their relationship was. 

So that’s what brought Him to be sitting on His couch on a weekday afternoon, braiding His hair and talking to Laf over skype while trying to figure out whether or not it would be ok to take more ibuprofen when He had just taken some an hour ago. 

“You have already had what? Four just today? I think it would be good for you to slow down, you do not want to make yourself sick on top of the headache.” Laf said. How disappointing.

“I know,” He said, “It’s just really annoying, it used to go away if I didn’t think about it, but now it’s like this all the time and I can’t get anything done.”

“You don’t have anything to get done, you are on leave” Laf reminded Him

“There are always things that need to be done” He said, He remembered telling Laf that all the time in collage when he was in America, even though he didn’t know Laf at the time. No that didn’t make any sense, He wouldn’t have told that to someone He didn’t know, right? 

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. His head was buzzing so hard He felt like He was falling apart. He might have clutched his head, or screamed, Laf might have started freaking out, He definitely fell off the couch, or was pushed. The point was, He had been on the couch and was now on the floor.

That was actually the first thing Alexander was aware of in three days. He was on the floor and when he looked up he could see Jefferson on the couch, looking down at him with absolute horror. He could feel it himself, crawling up his throught and making his heart pound. Jefferson jumped up from the couch so quickly that he almost fell over and scrambled out of the living room as quickly as he could. Alexander heard the bedroom door slam shut.

He sat on the floor for a good minute, he could hear Laf’s voice but it sounded so tiny and far away and Alex couldn’t process anything that he was saying. Finally, after what felt like forever, he pulled himself back up onto the couch and into view of the webcam.

“Alex, I was worried, are you alright, should I call John?” Alex couldn’t answer that question, mostly because he wasn’t entirely sure he was Alex. He had so many contradictory memories swirling around in his head, and no way of knowing which ones were his and which ones weren’t.

“John’s my roommate, right?” he asked, this was a good question to start with, if he knows John is his roommate then he knows that all the memories with John are his, and that the apartment he’s in is not.

“Oui, and your best friend, and he has your cat” Laf said. Alex nodded slowly, he would really like to have his friend here, and his cat.

“Tell him to bring Pip,” 

“Of course, do you want me to stay on skype with you?” Laf asked, Alex nodded again, he didn’t want to be alone. And wasn’t that a kicker, he didn’t want to be alone because he was upset from meeting his soulmate, the person who was supposed to make sure that he never had to worry about being alone, but he couldn’t go to him because they hated each other. Alexander could still feel Jefferson’s horror making his heart pound and his disgust making his stomach churn. Alexander himself just felt empty. 

 

James hadn’t put his phone on silent since Hamilton punched Thomas. He had always hated missing Thomas’s calls. he remembered one time when he was seventeen his mother made him leave his phone at home while he was at his cousin’s confirmation, which would have been fine on a regular day, but Thomas was already on edge from his mom being mad at him and his best friend not picking up his phone or responding to his texts for four hours did not help. When the Madisons got home they found Thomas sitting on their front porch crying because he thought that James was either hurt or mad at him. It took such a long time for Thomas to stop crying and even longer for him to stop apologizing, so long, in fact, that by the time he was feeling better it was too late for him to walk back to his house, so he just stayed the night with James and they went to school together in the morning. 

Long story short, James was not missing a call from Thomas now of all times.  
He thought about silencing his phone whenever he went into meetings, but would always decide against it. Knowing Hamilton, he would pick the worst time to separate from Thomas, and knowing Thomas, he would call James immediately.

Sometimes James hated being right.

Like right now. He was in a meeting that was, ironically enough, about how to split up the labor to better deal with the CFO and CMO both being gone for a month, when his phone started ringing, blaring Thomas’s ringtone. 

“Mr. Maddison?” Washington questioned as the other’s glared at him “do you need to take that?”

“It’s Mr. Jefferson,” he said, Washington gave him a nod,

“You’re dismissed” he said, “we’re almost done here anyway” 

James quickly thanked him and ducked out of the room,

“Hamilton’s my soulmate” Thomas said the second James answered.

“I know,” James said, he’s unsure what to say next, should he offer congratulations or condolences? Should he offer to come over or give them space? Thomas answered both questions with one sentence

“This is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me” James could hear his voice crack from panic and the harsh breathing that suggests that Thomas is trying desperately to not cry.

“No, no, it’s going to be alright” James said, the last thing he wanted was for his friend to have a panic attack right then “I’m coming over, okay? Just stay were you are, maybe practice those self-soothing exercises your therapist taught you” James was already on the way to his car.

“It is not going to be alright James,” Thomas snapped, “I’m going to have to live with Hamilton for my whole life!” his voice cracked horribly at the end and James realized that he had started crying. Thank god he had made it to his car.

“I know, I know,” James said putting his phone on speaker and dropping it in the cup holder. Of course, he didn’t actually know, he didn’t have a soulmate, let alone one that he hated, but he was just trying his best to comfort his best friend. Thomas didn’t call him out, he didn’t say anything.

“Hey, I’m pulling out of the garage right now, I’ll be there in a few minutes” Thomas still didn’t say anything.

“Are you alright?” James asked, he knew that Thomas’s silence was a bad sign, if he left it for too long it would only get worse. Thomas still said nothing.

“I really need you to talk to me, alright?” James asked, more silence.

“You’re really worrying me” silence

“Thomas” silence

“Thomas, please”

“He hates me” Thomas said softly, sounding more defeated than James has heard him in years.

“that’s not true” James assured, he’s heard of all sorts of things going wrong with soulmates, but for them to hate each other? There was no way.

“It is, I can feel it” Thomas said, James has parked by Thomas’s building and is about to assure him that it’s simply not possible for Hamilton to hate him when Thomas speaks again.

“I hate him too.” James didn’t know how to respond to that so he just told Thomas that he was in the lobby and he’d be up in a minute. 

“See you” Thomas said before hanging up and leaving James with a bad feeling in his gut.

 

James wishes the elevators in Thomas’s building were faster, it felt like an eternity that he stood there and waited for one. The soft ding of one arriving is probably the biggest relief he’s had since Tuesday. It’s as the doors are sliding closed that he hears heavy footsteps and a breathless voice shouting,

“Hold the door, Hold the door, Hold the Door!” James is Quick to follow those instructions, as a blur of a person thunders into the elevator. He instantly regrets it. 

John Laurens in standing in front of him, disheveled, out of breath and holding a soft looking cream and white cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the anxiety related stuff is written from personal experience, so know that not every person with anxiety has the issues described in this chapter. once again sorry about the lack of updates for so long, and sorry this was a little on the short side.


End file.
